A Heaping Pile of Seconds

Oi... the first chapter was rough going, but I'm back for more and (secretly) enjoying myself in a perverse sort of way. Like a QT hotdog eating contest with extra jalapeno relish. I'm doing a two-fer here because you really don't want 24 separate blog posts about this.

Chapter 2
Open Book
and...
Chapter 3
Phenomenon

I'm justifying doing these two together for two reasons. First, like I said, this ought to be as short and merciful as possible, and second, nothing much happens in these chapters. Bella continues to narrate the story like a 40-year old divorcee (did I mention this? 16-or-whatever-she-is year olds don't talk like this: "It was ridiculous, and egotistical, to think that I could affect anyone that strongly."), and the story is moving along without much of anything happening. These two chapters first really introduce Edward as a character and that's about it. And boy is he... something.

I can't really say what I thought at first, to be honest. I was only introduced to Twilight when the movies came out and this face:


began to harass me every time I went to the check-out line at Krogers. He's the only thing I picture when I read about Edward Cullen, and I have to give the casting director for the movies some props here; Robert Pattinson is terrifying.

"I would like to eat your flesh."

I honestly do believe that he could be a vampire. Really, if he approached me I'd genuflect, and run to the nearest table and break off a leg so I could defend myself, Ron Artest-style. (If you don't get the reference, you will if you keep reading my posts about the NBA. That story will come up eventually.) Anyway, he's honest-to-goodness, poo-in-the-pants scary, and he's the only thing I saw reading these last two chapters. I was a little distracted to say the least.

My synopsis: Bella goes to school, already obsessing about Edward for some reason, but he's not there. He continues not to be there until he shows up again a couple weeks later looking rather less sallow. Presumably he's eaten someone.

"With some Fava beans and a nice Chianti. Fu-fu-fu-fu."

He then proceeds to be genuinely friendly and interested in her. She, in turn, proceeds to instantly fall in love. In the next chapter, it snows some, Bella complains like its the end of her freaking world, and she almost (almost!) dies in a car crash. Except Edward saves her.

And that's about it. I did, however, manage to unearth this gem of a sentence:

"I made the Cowardly Lion look like the terminator." (pg. 30)

Until next time!

"Don't turn out the lights!"

Further Reading:
The Onion Twilight Article