Maybe There Was a Glitch in My Brain

My wife Jenny and I were once stranded in Oklahoma City for a day, and spent much of it hanging out at a Borders pretending we might buy things. I took the time to read through the graphic-novel Watchmen for the first time (a rewarding experience) and Jenny sat down with a copy of Twilight. (And I would like to preempt any snarky comments about us using Borders this way; we were bored, out of cash, and eventually did make a minor purchase.)

Now, admittedly, we spent a good, oh, six hours at the Borders cafe, but in that amount of time Jenny managed to read through the entire first novel (498 pages) and its sequel (576). In one day. Not just one day, in six hours Jenny managed to read well over 1000 pages of teen vampire drivel. She couldn't stop, like a speed-reader literally on speed. I made fun of her. She claimed to hate them. But of course, once we returned to Tulsa, Jenny found someone who owned the other two Twilight novels and devoured them at a similar pace. What gives?

What, indeed, gives? I have taken it upon myself to find out, and have determined to do what I thought I never would. I'm going to read Twilight. And liveblog my thoughts... Here goes!

Chapter 1
First Sight

I have to admit, I was a little excited to read this. I'm a snob and everybody knows it, but I love vampires, and am secretly glad of the opportunity to read the book while pretending to have ulterior motives for doing so. Anyway, I was surprised right off to find an epigraph from Genesis gracing the first page.

But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil,
thou shalt not eat of it:
for in the day that thou eatest thereof
thou shalt surely die.
Genesis 2:17

This, if it makes sense of nothing else, at least makes sense of the front cover:

Ahh. That's why there's an apple. I detect a theme! I don't really know what it means at all yet, but I'm sure something or other forbidden will be offered at some point. We'll see.

The first chapter features our quirky, sassy heroine Bella leaving her hometown Phoenix to live with her estranged father in a sunless bit of Washington called Forks. (As in, a Forks in the road?) Anyway, she's extremely moody and sad, and chapter one details her anxiety driven first day at school. She doesn't fit, and cries a bit. There's also a preface in which somebody called the hunter tries to kill her... while sauntering. I assume only a vampire could accomplish this. Some of the writing is a little odd. My favorite sentences:

"The hunter smiled in a friendly way as he sauntered forward to kill me." (preface)
"And I never looked a free truck in the mouth- or engine." (pg 7)
"I wasn't in the mood to go on a real crying jag." (pg 9)
"Maybe there was a glitch in my brain." (pg 11)
"I glanced sideways at the beautiful boy, who was looking at his tray now, picking a bagel to pieces with long, pale fingers." (pg 20)

They love bagels.

And the absolute best? Bella muses to herself as she approaches her new school:

"I can do this, I lied to myself feebly. No one was going to bite me." (pg 14)

Get it!? Do you get it!? Like a vampire!

Sadly though, no one did. But I'm a writer, and those of us who are in the Biz (as we call it) refer to this technique as Foreshadowing.

But really, it isn't so bad as I'm making it out to be, and if I were forced to be entirely honest, I would have to admit that I kinda sort of am enjoying myself. Like I said, I dig vampires.

I wonder what happens in chapter 2!